I think…

…that everyone should learn one meal of their mummy. So, when we can’t be with her anymore (no matter why), every time we cook this meal, we will feel at home. And this will help to move on in struggling timesโค๏ธ




Miss You

We shouldnโ€˜t be separated..

We shouldnโ€™t miss each other…

My only strength..need you so much

Need your reassurance…

Need your encouragement…

Need your warm words and the way when you look at me- always understanding..we never need words.


Beautiful Life

Would you recognize if I’d vanish suddenly? Just like soap bubble…

Would you recognize if there wouldn’t be a me anymore who claims your attention?

Would you feel this emptiness if I’d stop being?

No more calls, no more messages, no more drama-no more tears….

Would someone recognize if I’d die suddenly? Maybe for seek of humanity yes… but wouldn’t they forget me easily as they did when I was alive?

Would you search for me in other bodies? The sent of my hairs…?

Would you search for the dark-brown eyes who looked at you… only at you? Those eyes who saw the best in you.

When someone talks about death and suicide everyone gets angry and terrified. A tabu in society. Not even to your closest one you can open.

But less they know that they were the reason why This human heart craved for relief. Society created boundaries.

Loneliness kills.

Everyone expects you being happy, positive who believes in miracles. But darling listen to my words: miracles won’t happen here.

Here is no life. No light. No hopes.

A decent place to express those sick thoughts is the only thing left.

How to be extrovert when my soul suffers? How to force my heart to bath in life-joy when it is dying slowly?

There he is… claiming me to love. Who knows, maybe he really does. In his own way. But tell me darling what is love?

I need so much love… so much love. You can’t give it to me. No one cans. Sick heart. Tired heart.

I am happy to have him, afraid to lose him. But I am not able to hold him.

I am mad. Who loves to madness, without boundaries. But life only shows me his boundaries. I can’t tell you how I feel. I can’t show you how I feel.

Here is no life yaar. Here is only death. So better you leave…!


Thank you

500 followers is for someone like me an incredible success…. I am not writing daily, don’t produce in regular intervals and have sometimes mistakes in language. Still… there are you amazing guys who makes me feel loved!

Writing is so difficult. In my head are so many thoughts and voices; writing them is like sorting them.

I don’t know how you guys manage it, I think it’s a god given talent to jot down your feelings and thoughts.

Nowadays my mind and heart both are too chaotic and I am not talented enough to write the message down which they are trying to tell me.

Thank you for the people who are writing. Who are following their passion! And of course ty for reading and liking my posts (even the worst ones)

Love you all

Yours #hati


Oh my lovely green

How beautiful you are.

When I look at you,

I see the far,

Beyond the scar

Which this world carries.

When I look at you

Tired eyes finds peace.

Let me be a part of you!

I know this wish is impossible 

But latest with my demise

I’ll belong to you.

Oh my lovely green!

I have never seen

A beauty like you!…


Immortal momentย 

I look at your photo. My fingers stroke the smooth paper…. I feel your breath, Your sent…I hear your voice and your careless laughter. Everything is perfect. 

I remember all the details of those beautiful day. Our silly chit chats… the dinner and the laughter. With only one glance on your picture, I feel our family. 

United. Happy.

Damn, how much I miss this person on this pic. !

Everything changed mother, but those perfect moment will never change.  I see my mum who cares and loves on this pixelated paper. So I am thankful for photos, who made you immortal for me in a time where we lost each other. 




They say “hope never dies”

I wish it would die at first.

All the tears and heartbreaks would be spared. 

Hoping is like never ending thirst,

You think everything will be alright,

To recognize in the end, it kills you only the worst.



Nobody of us will survive this life, so better we don’t take it too serious ๐Ÿ’

I recd this msg n it kept me thinking whole week .. Felt like sharing ๐Ÿ˜Š
Are we earning to pay builders and interior designers, caterers and decorators?  
Whom do we want to impress with our highly inflated house properties & fat weddings?
Do you remember for more than two days what you ate at someone’s marriage? 
Why are we working like dogs in our prime years of life?
How many generations do we want to feed?
Most of us have two kids. Many have a single kid. 
How much is the “need” and how much do we actually “want”?? 

Think about it.
Would our next generation be incapable to earn, that we save so much for them!?!
Can not we spare one and a half days a week for friends, family and self??
Do you spend even 5% of your monthly income for your self enjoyment? 

Why can’t we enjoy simultaneously while we earn?   
Spare time to enjoy before you have slipped discs and cholesterol blocks in your heart!!!
We don’t own properties, we just have temporary name on documents.
GOD laughs sarcastically, when someone says,

“I am the owner of this land”!!    
Do not judge a person only by the length of his car. 
Many of our science and maths teachers were great personalities riding on scooters!!    
It is not bad to be rich, but it is very unfair, to be only rich.
Let’s get a LIFE, before life gets us, instead….
One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything & nothing; the dreams that we had. 
Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare… One day our children will see our pictures and ask ‘Who are these people?’ And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: ‘IT WAS THEM THAT I HAD THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE WITH’.
Send this to all your friends & to those who made you smile in any way. 
Thank you for making me smile for sometime in my life.๐Ÿ‘



The problem is, even when you suffer unbearable physical pain, you can’t even tell someone that you need a doctor.

You feel too shy for even the most existential need. 

Most of you will think, how silly she is. But this the ugly true of being introvert. Not at all cute, or innocent shyness… it is undefinably stupidity. 

I depend financially on others. Yes, I am living in a rich family. But only god knows that I don’t differ from the poor. How you can go to hospital when you aren’t able to call a cab? 

I already hear how you say, “why you don’t work and get independent ” aahh.. yea believe me; this is something I really wish. But my life circumstances bond me at home to my 3year old daughter.
And now here I am sitting with immense pain in kidneys, trying to divert my mind with writing nonsense on WordPress. 

A friend told me nearly “even if no one will read or understand you, just tell it here, at least you free your mind”. See? I am doing what you said…

Today I ve watched a television serial. It is the story of a poor, young and beautiful widow with four kids. She marries a rich man, who doesn’t know about her children. So the dilemma begins… she wanted to give her hungry children something to eat and a roof about their heads. Maybe her intents weren’t bad; but her kids suffers more as their mother is deniying them. 

See? Money isn’t everything. Yes, it is damn important (otherwise How I could be able to visit my beloved India). Nevertheless it isn’t everything. 

There is a small girl, she is 5 in the serial. she remembers me to myself with 5. 

my mum had to work since I remember myself. She wasn’t at home when my brother and me woke up at6am and prepared ourselves for school. We ate cornflakes, we walked alone to school. We came alone and waited till late in evening alone for our parents. Nobody asked us if we finished homework or studying. We watched tv and passed time with eating nonsense.

When I saw the other german kids who got accompanied by their mothers we felt weird. We didn’t know what it was, but it felt weird. 

When I was 16, I had a class mate. Her name was Julia. Her mum prepared every morning lunch for them. They had even tea in their thermos jag. One day Suddenly she got angry and looked to her twin and said angrily “how stupid mum is! I ve told those old box hundred times that I don’t like cheese ” 

My answer was “you are such a piece of ungrateful shit. Be happy that your mum is caring for you. I don’t even know till evening if my mum is alive or dead” she was shocked. 

My mum worked hard for us. She worked even in two places at same time. She and my dad together granted us our life, we had in Germany. Nothing we missed…as things. But now when we are older, We recognized that we’ve missed our mum. Maybe that’s why he became a drinker and a problem person. And I? Became fat, insecure, introvert and abused woman. Who is hungry for love…

Now, We aren’t hungry. We live in luxury. My screen is broken like hell, ok but hey… I have an IPhone without having a penny in my bag. So this means somehow my life is ok, isn’t it?

The price for being with Nisa is being dependent on others. And I pay this willingly because she is the most important thing in my life. Yes, I suffer, like tonight I do. But when I will look back in 20years, I know that it was the right decision. Because her mum took care that she wouldn’t became an introvert. 

Being introvert sucks. I am not able to make new friends as I feel too shy. I can’t go to market because I feel to shy. Only with nisa I am able to go out. And I am 29 and pharmacist….you see how creepy it is. I laugh at myself… 


Hello, it’s me

Sometimes you want to call your friend. And just want to talk like a waterfall about the things in your head, about everything in your heart… what busies you since ages…

Because you know, this special person is everything you have.
You grap the phone,  you dial the number. 

But everything you manage is to swallow the big lump which would cause you to cry. 

Because You feel…you are




A person who is beared patiently. 

No, your friend didn’t cause those thoughts. It was your demons fault, which are domicile in your head. 
So you keep silent. Maybe forever.